Originally Posted by Croissant

Thanks for your lovely long post, Snooz.

One thing that was really hard for me to let go of - or deal with, is that drinking perhaps for me represented freedom. Maybe clinging to that youthfulness....feeling carefree. It's complicated.

Maybe having kids so young, once I did develop a liking to drinking when they were older, having to stop reminded me of feeling restrained, missing out on life, not having as much fun as everyone else. All the very same feelings I had when I was "stuck" at home with little kids.

The past few years since I've been on SR....that has been a sticking point for me. How can I feel free and youthful and great without alcohol?

Then why had I drank in the first place, how did it all become complex and complicated?

All of it. It's huge.

If this was easy, or there was one formula for success, we'd all do it. But there's not.

One thing I can guarantee, there is no get out of jail free card. Every single layer of who you are has to be peeled back. And like Wehav, I finally accepted there's no magical moment, where you think "oh, I get this!"....it's gradual. And it can disappear in an instant (as you know), if we don't pay attention to it.

This thing can and will kill us. Logically you know this. Showing up for ourselves is a daily event. There's no set and forget solution. Just like I need glasses to read every single day of my life, so too, I have to use my sobriety tools every day.

Accepting that who I was in the past, or those carefree feelings I craved were the same as me wishing I never had to wear glasses again. They are wishes that can never, ever be fulfilled. Ever.