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Old 12-08-2015, 04:22 PM
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DesertEyes
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Ap052183, and pleased to "meet" you.

Originally Posted by Ap052183 View Post
.. I've always been really independent and responsible (mostly) because my parents have always been somewhat undependable....
My parents were completely undependable, so as a child I ended up being the only responsible person in the family.

Originally Posted by Ap052183 View Post
.. I've realized that in my family it seems that unless you're needy you don't get anything. Its like this sick codependent need and if i dont fulfill it im useless....
That does sound extremely co-dependent to me. In a backwards way I think it may be a compliment to you. If they are _not_ doing things for you it must be cuz you are too healthy for them.

Originally Posted by Ap052183 View Post
.. Shouldn't I be rewarded for being accomplished and able?...
That only happens in healthy families. "Toxic", or "dysfunctional" families don't do that.

Originally Posted by Ap052183 View Post
.. Can anyone relate?...
Totally. That is exactly how my family operated.

Originally Posted by Ap052183 View Post
.. Is there a name for this dynamic?...
It sounds to me like the "hero" role. There's a lot of "roles" that us ACoA's get into. The one where the child acts like an adult while the dysfunctional parents are off in la-la land is the "hero" dynamic / role.

In many dysfunctional families peeps had more than one role at the same time, or they changed roles over the years. They're not set in stone. Have you browsed thru the "stickies" at the top of the forum. There's a lot of good info there that you may find useful.

Mike
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