Juno, it's like you had an epiphany! I'm really excited for you! Maybe that's what you needed to happen. Thank you very much for your post.
Sydneyman, you nailed it. I did think about how nobody would be around to see me drinking. Just me and my wine. I was thinking I could do it after my kiddo goes to bed at night. But that wouldn't last long because I'd quickly start hitting the bottle as soon as I got home from work. My son wouldn't say anything about my drinking, but he would know. The thought of doing that to him again makes me so sad. He's already put up with years of my drinking and drugging, and even though I was "good enough" when I needed to be, I was so absent and selfish when I was caught up in all of that. Wow, that's a strong pang of guilt I just felt. Drinking wouldn't solve anything. It just makes matters worse because with a hangover, I'm always having to play catch up. And I've made so much progress! I do not want to give that up. I want to see what else is in store for me. Thank you for the reality check! I really needed that : )