Ap052183

I'm the oldest child and my younger brother is an addict. My dad was too although he's somewhat in recovery, except for his massive codependence with my brother. My grandfather was an alcoholic so there are generations of dysfunction. I've always been really independent and responsible (mostly) because my parents have always been somewhat undependable. I learned to be self sufficient and not depend on them for anything. It's really bothered me though that because I'm so self sufficient my parents basically won't do anything for me. I havent gotten a birthday gift in years. They have started helping me with my dog but i realize its only because they love the dog themselves and they complain about it all the time. I guess im lucky they do that and I do appreciate it. At the same time my brother is completely supported by them because he can't hold a job. He pays no bills and is totally irresponsible. I've realized that in my family it seems that unless you're needy you don't get anything. Its like this sick codependent need and if i dont fulfill it im useless. To me that seems kind of backwards. Shouldn't I be rewarded for being accomplished and able? I remember my dad made a remark once that "you don't need me for anything." Yeah because every time I talk to you you complain and when I needed reliability, dependability, and guidance you weren't there. Why is that my fault? I'm the child. Can anyone relate? Is there a name for this dynamic?