endlesspatience

I have a problem relating to addiction that I am having trouble with and I think you guys can support me. Basically it's to do with tobacco and smoking but it's a bit complicated and if I put the thread in the smoking forum, I'm not sure people there can help.

So I came into recovery about five years ago. Since then I have been working the steps, going to AA regularly and my life has changed enormously. I have drunk on about four occasions this year the last time being nine days ago. And I feel that cigarettes were the trigger for me picking up a drink again.

I had smoked for more than 20 years but decided I wanted to give up when I joined AA. It took a few attempts but I successfully did quit smoking in the summer of 2015. Trust me, that's improved my life a lot: I have much better health, I've saved a lot of money, my relationships are better and it's also helped me address my drinking and other issues.

But the problem is that I can't stand it when I see or smell people smoke now. It's making me feel really disgusted and so much so that I tore the picture of someone smoking out of a magazine the other day. When I see people smoking outside buildings such as my workplace I sometime go up to them and appeal to them to stop but of course this achieves nothing apart from making feel impotent and frustrated.

So it came to a head nine days ago because when I came out of the gym, someone in front of me on the stree lit up a cigarette and I got a mouthful of smoke. I shouted at them and then swore back at me. When I got I home I was seething with anger and even though I'd been at AA the day before, I was soon down the pub getting drunk. I also bought a packet of cigarettes and smoked three outside the pub.

I felt absolutely awful about this the next day because all it did was make my clothes smell of smoke and left me with a hangover. The thing is, I am obsessed by other people's smoking. Everytime I step outside the house, it's on my mind the entire time. A friend said we should go to a picnic next summer and I immediately thought I can't because someone might smoke there (in six months time).

My guess is that it's a mixture of fear and anger that has become a kind of addiction.

So, what I have decided to do is this. I'll share about it here and I will read people's replies regularly for the next two weeks. Let's see if I can get this obstacle to shift with your support.