Strangeangel, I wish I had better advice. Just know that there is no judgement here and we support you even if you're back on day 1 again. This is hard! But i'm super new to this so don't have the best advice. But wanted to respond since i'm here.
Have you made a up a "plan" as they say, to stay sober and ride through the cravings? Things to do instead when you have a craving or when your AV is convincing you? It sounds like there is a lot going on in your life that pushes you to drink again. Can you add some things into your daily life that will take the stress off of what all goes on that urges you to drink? All easier said than done, i'm sure
Try to post here more often and we can help talk you through things. I believe in you! I'm sorry if my advice is crap! Just know my intentions mean well!