Day 20 - morning all.
Awake early again by 5.30 after not being able to sleep until early hours. Thought I'd catch up on here and read thro, Glad to hear you are ok BB after your accident and takes some going to nor have had a drink after that, would say I can't blame the coffee for the poor sleeo but as a rule don't normally touch it after 5 and had 2 at the meeting last night.
Feeling a bit strange again as I did last night - first meeting / class for abstinence to which only myself turned up along with the counsellor taking the session, after feeling down in the dumps for a good few days and really low on Wednesday evening I felt much better yesterday - by the time I got in there and started chatting I went into absolute overdrive - just became a chat really and me telling him where I'm at but not sure I really took anything from it other than needing to learn relaxation techniques - felt strange how high I went - 24 hrs earlier I would have struggled to muster two words the way I felt and feel like I went from floor to ceiling within 24 hrs. Thing is when I came out of there I felt the swagger and cockiness return walking tall where I've been slumped for the last few weeks, by the time I'd driven home I was absolutely on pins with my whole body buzzing and my head feeling very peculiar indeed.
Got home and the wife could see I was on edge and not how I have been and told her how it had gone and how I felt and that I'd probably left the poor guy's head absolutely spinning - mother in law round for the weekend said my quick hello but still feeling really not right at all - ended up lay on the bed trying to calm down heart pounding and a couple of pains in my chest and then a bath and my evening meal (not at the same time !!) - prob why sleep wasn't the greatest but now woke this morning with first thoughts of do I need to be doing this - what am I getting from it - mass craving for a beer and thinking about the drugs / what I'm missing out on with all this.
I know the answers of what I'll be missing out on if I gave in and it is not an option but for the first time doubting myself and feel on edge again now straight away - definitely feeling rather mixed up to say the least.