I guess ideally I should give this up, gain some weight, and learn to deal with my life, but it's that last part that really daunts me. I'm disappointed that I still feel this way after getting sober and committing myself to treatment and recovery. I worked at it, but now I feel like I haven't tried hard enough, obviously. I'm frustrated and intimidated by the work and discipline it will take to be okay with life. Somehow the work and discipline I apply to these rigid eating issues doesn't seem to transfer...the contradiction is not lost on me.
Oh well, I will figure it out eventually.