Thanks guys, that's really nice.
Dee - my therapist understands that it's a control thing, and the poor guy takes the brunt of my staunch refusal to give up control of this. He says I don't want to deal with the fact that I feel incapable of living the life I've signed up for. This eating disorder is a distraction, like drinking was. He's right, I know. But like drinking, knowing it's a problem doesn't make me know how to solve it, and at the moment, it feels like it's working for me.