Thank you for your thoughtful response, Sydneyman!
Yes, in the big scheme of things, me having 2 glasses of wine at home one night isn't news that's going to rock the Earth. Heck, if I told my friends about it they would say, "Yah, so what? I do that all the time." Nothing happened, and I can move on.
The thing is that I do want sobriety because I am a problem drinker - the fact that I moderated last night doesn't mean I can keep on drinking. I can moderate now and then. But I do lose control pretty quickly and often end up doing regrettable things and feeling like hell the next day. I do not, however, relate to the "classic alcoholic" stuff - as you guys know I tend to binge, recover, binge, recover and my binges only last an evening. This doesn't mean I want to keep doing this - but it does mean I have trouble relating to a lot of people on this forum. I read a post recently which was really well written and thought out, but I couldn't relate to the progression of alcoholism.
Anyway, long winded way of saying I'm not giving up on sobriety because it's my best option for the future. I actually admire the lots of people on this site who keep coming back and trying. Those that leave the site and stop posting have probably given up on achieving the lofty goal of abstinence.
I'm good but tired tonight. Trying to somehow make this day a "special day" so that's it's special enough to be worthy of a lasting day one. Hard to do on a rainy Tuesday in December
As long as I stay sober (which I plan to) I won't have to post which day I'm on because it's the first of the month.
So I hope everyone is doing well! I'm the recent flunkout in the group. Everyone do better than I've been doing!