Thank you kzaug
I can see a tiny ray of hope now. I had a bad day today. Sadness and waves of panic all through the day. And I kept thinking of you guys. There is hope!
I had an argument with my husband. He is going through a rough time right now. Depression, midlife crisis, I don't even know. He hates his life. And every argument is mostly him pointing fingers at me for all the things I do wrong. He blames me for being miserable. He keeps telling me that I'm not good enough, or stubborn, or whatever...I feel hurt, inadequate, hopeless...
And it doesn't matter if I tell him calmly how I feel...then it turns into a competition: his problems are bigger than my problems, his unhappiness is worse than my unhappiness...
For the longest time those arguments ended up with me drinking or taking benzos...or both.
Today I just took 5htp, cried a bit, and came here to read posts...