Originally Posted by Jemma44

Enfin, I am still horrified and scared by my last bender which has so far helped me get 21 days sober. I wanted to drink to deal with the aftermath and anxiety, but a part of me knew that I simply couldn't continue the destruction.

Now that horrible bender serves as a reminder to me. Any time I think about having a drink, I think how that "one" drink can end up. Jail, institution, or death.

I'm done with the fear, anxiety, shame and despair.

You will get through this. Put sobriety first right now. Whether or not your marriage lasts comes later. You can make that decision with a clear head.

Hugs to you.