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Old 11-29-2015, 04:19 AM
  # 251 (permalink)  
SoberMarathon
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by enfinthechange View Post
They have all gone out to the cinema. ... my husband doesn't want to talk to me, the marriage is over I guess. I am crying and sobbing and googling ways to kill myself... the magnitude of my stupidity is settling in, the harm and the damage and the fool I have made of myself. I think I am probably depressed anyway, certainly have some kind of mental problems, my husband hasn't met my needs really for ages, so pissed brain did something about it. With a guy up the road in the village...I just can't get over my stupidity..... I can be sober, so far, but can I ever get over this.... I can't see how. I can also see all the good my husband does, all the nice kind things... and now I have hurt him so bad....he has to deal with me ffs, that's bad enough job. Nown wonder he's grumpy and finds it hard to love me.... I'm a ****** nightmare.
if you think you're the only one who's been an ass to your spouse, rest assured you are not alone. I have spent most of the past decade thinking I am invincible, George Clooney with the ladies, fueled by the false confidence of excessive drinking. At home I have the storybook life, stay at home trophy wife, two beautiful children and a dog. The shame I feel for things I've done is at times unbearable. All I know is that the only way I can rewrite how this book ends is by eliminating the very source of the madness: alcohol. The quote Rah posted yesterday about not being able to change the past so don't obsess over it hit home. We can't change it, so we need to stop beating ourselves over it. We can change the present though, which in turn will guide our futures. Things can get better. Step 1 for us is not drinking. Hang in there and make that first step.
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