Thank you all for the kind words. It feels so good to have support from those who know what I feel like.
Dee had made a great point awhile back when I had another slip: ultimately ANY thought of drinking is the AV, not me. A simple drink=bad. Here's what I did wrong last night: I let myself be convinced that I wanted to drink, not my AV. I thought of coming here to post and my AV told me it wasn't even worth it because I wanted to drink and would do so anyway. Posting on SR would just make it harder! Can you believe that! Arg. But I'm back. Because I want sobriety more than anything!