I think the main problem you have right now is the only tool you have to cope when your husband is negative is alcohol.
You can't change others, but we can change ourselves and that's where I'd start.
Negative self talk is destructive whether it comes from someone else or ourselves.
You need to stop the shame spiral that sends you into and counter the negative self-talk you feel with positive self talk.
What is self-talk? | ReachOut.com Australia Challenging negative thinking | ReachOut.com Australia Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
if you work on this, being more assertive and self confident should soon look a lot easier to you
D