Thanks for the Congrats, Undies. I may have more than a year sober but I'm still an Undie through and through. I'm glad you haven't kicked me out.
BoozeFree - Terrible about your neighbors. Yuck. Really nice job identifying boundaries that you need to work on. I never realized that I struggled with them until I stopped drinking - and still felt miserable. I've definitely turned to the collective advice of folks in recovery to guide me when struggling with boundaries. The results have been nothing short of amazing. And with time minding my boundaries is becoming more and more intuitive.
Key - I can relate to your tension about meeting those family obligations. When I got sober, for about the whole first year I struggled with white knuckling through events that I didn't want to attend. I didn't know how to say NO, I won't go to this event I've always gone to.
Other folks in recovery would talk about avoiding events where people were drinking, but I felt uncomfortable taking that drastic an approach. I didn't want to tell everyone that I wasn't drinking. My sobriety was too fragile to let everyone near it. I only trusted certain people. Also, I didn't want to be a downer. I felt that just because I didn't drink anymore didn't mean that the people around me couldn't drink. I felt like I needed to be a good sport.
I white knuckled my way through parties, family events, holidays and vacations. There are some responsibilities that can't be avoided, but I had to be honest with myself about what I enjoyed and didn't - and focus on things that made me happy.
I didn't realize it when it was happening but my self confidence eroded in active addiction. I'm genuinely grateful for the folks in recovery who gave me a blueprint to rebuild a life that's joyous, happy and free.
And today, pretty much no matter what I'm doing, or who I'm with, or what they're doing, I'm ok.