Originally Posted by
Weasel1966 
I am posting here cuz the newcomers is too sensitive for this kind of post. But this section tends to draw a different crowd.
I just don't know. Ya know I had a whole big long thing written out. A good set of reasons why blame is not acceptable. Was going to post it. And in my readiness I thought how I would not want to upset anyone with some very strong language. I would not want to be the reason someone backslides due to reading such a thing. I would not want to be blamed.
I cannot speak with any real certainty that we, as addicts, have the right to point a finger outside of ourselves and say thats why I am an addict. The idea of blame for me just does not work.
I dug this hole. I work everyday to dig myself back out.
An article this weekend infuriated me. Someone I know lived a life that has led to a dismal place. There is much finger wagging going on about who is to blame. The doctors that prescribe or the people that abuse.
Frankly, does it matter how we get to where we are? It only matters how we get better. No? Blame is a highly unproductive conversation. Blame is not a platform to stand on and cry to get help.
Let's talk about how we stay sober and help everyone around us to do the same.
I will end this post the same way I started it. I just don't know.
Sigh....
I blame the "gene" I got for addiction. And I passed that "gene" to my oldest son and NOT to my youngest. I think the gene has a code in it that makes certain people not learn coping skills (I'm joking really)...but that is MY problem. I don't have coping skills...and when someone really upsets me...or my body is really anxious...I have learned that when I drink some alcohol...I get numb and don't feel those things.
Yesterday....I had a very tough day. My head was going to explode. It involved looking for something...that really wasn't my responsibility to have to FIND....but because I have enabled some people and they count on me for everything....it was my burden to try and find this thing that I was holding in my house..and I couldn't find it (It was a birth certificate for my 25 year old son). Everytime...this son contacts me....My blood pressure rises....there is always tension.
I had just laid down for a sober "nap"...I was exhausted..lots of family drama with holidays and my parents divorcing after 52 years! My mother had just blown me off for a meeting. And I was already very stressed. Then this son calls me and says he needs this document as soon as possible...I had NO IDEA where I put it because I had to move everything out of the room and into boxes because of remodeling that room....
I jumped up from the couch....started searching (because this was contingent on HIM securing a good job). And he was BLAMING me cause I couldn't find it. Logically I KNOW he is 25...and he should have this document in his possession already...BUT...because I have always been the go-to for these things...I needed to find it.
And when I emptied that room I was DRUNK for 27 days...My head started pounding..I started tearing the garage apart...tears in my eyes...anger...fear....AND I DIDNT find it. I have 1 month sober right now...I started throwing things....in the garage...there are papers everywhere now...Then I stopped and thought F this....I'm going to the liquor store...I CANT HANDLE these feelings.
And I DO BLAME him...if he didn't text me...if he had his own documents...etc. But, rationally..it all comes back to ME...and I had to realize that. I ran to our City Hall...got him a copy....and that was settled. I can not believe I DID NOT DRINK. I usually don't get thru that feeling....And many times in my head...I do blame those around me for slips....its just part of the cycle I think.