Thank you guys. I appreciate your comments, and I've had a bit of a cool-down period.
As far as my son, in a way I feel it's "his" money because he was a child actor and he earned it. While we did put away money as required by the Jackie Coogan laws, there was money outside of that allotment that I felt should go to him, even though as a family we sacrificed other income opportunities in the process of supporting the acting gigs. So, I've always felt a bit guilty about that, and I even have a stipulation in my will that a certain amount should go to him over and above what the other kids get--in part because of the acting thing, but really because I paid the tuition for the other three.
No is a complete sentence. I have to practice that! I have, long ago, separated my finances from my husband, but since he's unemployed, I'm the one paying for the food, shelter and clothing. Yes, this has been a long time happening. And at this point, I don't know if I will ever leave him.. and the reasons are deeply ingrained in past experience. So, what I want for me now is to live my life in such a way that I am honoring the person my higher power intends for me to be.
The house thing is a total quagmire… as you suggest, LexieCat, legally and emotionally, it's just not clear cut. I feel like it must have been bad karma or something because the timing on that whole experience could not have been worse. Oh well. I have to accept what happened and move on, but my fear is that I have not learned what I need to learn through these experiences. That's the frustrating part.