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Old 11-19-2015, 03:09 PM
  # 252 (permalink)  
Time2Rise
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Well, I'm back to sanity--more or less. I didn’t drink, and I’m dropping my dopey plan to start drinking again.

I apologize for yesterday's flippant post. I don’t want to make excuses, but the last week and a half has been so much harder than my first five weeks. I can't seem to stop romanticizing alcohol and the drinking culture I was a part of. I know my perceptions regarding alcohol and the social aspects of drinking are mostly an illusion, but I once again find myself being duped by my selective memory--I remember the few fun aspects of my drinking days, and I completely ignore the predominately bad aspects of my drinking. Ugh.

Anyway, yesterday I sort of snapped. That weight I talked about become too heavy, my brain felt like it was rattling around in my head, and I wanted to jump out of my skin. I was in a weird place, and unfortunately, when I wrote my post, I meant every word. But after a few hours, I more-or-less returned to the person I really want to be. I know on an intellectual level that these thoughts, false perceptions and emotions are something I just have to endure for a while until they end, but damn it sucks having this crap bouncing around my head most of the day.

However, I still have a few sober tricks up my sleeve, so I’ll be putting them to use, and I will be recommitting to some of the practices I used more extensively during my first five weeks of sobriety. And other than using AA or the 12-Steps I’m open to any other suggestions on how to deal with my “unskillful” thinking. At this point, I’m willing to try just about anything.

Thank you all for your responses; you can’t imagine how appreciative I am. And thank you for putting up with my BS, thinly veiled cry-for-help. As I said yesterday, this really is a great place with a great group of people.

Peace
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