Good morning folks.
Conquest, how exciting! Busy, I know, but very exciting. So happy for you.
Briar, what's to lose by trying the professional? You've done pretty well after some professional help, right? I don't know what is the deeper issue, but I personally have a lot of control issues, but have come a long way with that. It is based in anxiety for me. But when my kids were very young, it was a rough time for me. It was when my drinking escalated dramatically. I had terrible anxiety, and was falling apart. My tidy little life was now run by the kids and my ailing father and my husband traveled so much. I had never realized all the little strategies I had in place to feel comfortable in life. I do think I have somehow learned to roll with it so much better, but I have more time to balance things. I do not have to juggle my career with it all. So, there is a huge and equal pull to all the rest. You have to put you first. You have done this before, with your rehab, and you can continue on with it. You are awesome and so strong.
I am not saying I have it all together now, because I don't! But I did have a lot of help at that time from my husband, when he was here, and a psychiatrist, and some meds, and my regular doctor. But ultimately, I had to let a lot go. So hard. But I just don't do everything I think I should do, or what others think I should do. I do what I can right now. Still trying to make progress. I think I have bounced too far in the "all about me" direction, and I need to get back to center with reaching outside of myself. I have sort of isolated and licked my wounds for awhile now. But taking care of myself needs to always be ahead of everything if I want to be there for the other people in my life.
Let the house be messy, let your dd have a bowl of cereal or oatmeal for dinner once in awhile. It will all be okay. They don't die from wearing mismatched or second day clothing either when life is insane.
Of course, now I have to go clean my messy house...
But I know you can do this. You inspire me to be a better person because of your strength and drive.