Morning all! In my April group we were talking about those first horrible 24 hours and how we got started on the sober road. I began thinking about what Key was saying yesterday about happiness and made a few observations which I thought might be worth sharing here too:
Wow! The first 24 hours! White knuckle time!!!
I think that SR was the difference for me. Admitting my problems and struggles in a non-judgemental atmosphere made a huge difference to me. I'd gone through a spate of trying to give up most Mondays (after the usual weekend excess cycle) and failing to get through the first evening without a hit or two... Or three...
Just touching base here with people that understood how hard it was made me raise my game. Cultivating a collective responsibility here has, for me at least, been key in me getting this far. You helped me see through my self deception and recognise the AV for what it is.
On the One Year and Under group someone was asking about happiness. That they hadn't felt "happy" in the 4 months since they'd given up. I remember missing that high and still do on occasion. In fact, relaxing and enjoying myself enough to laugh out loud in social situations is still something of a work in progress but happiness... That's something else. I remember waking up a lot of days in early recovery and asking myself what it was all about. There just didn't seem to be anything to look forward to. No joy. I was missing my reward!
The happiness I feel now is much deeper and closer to my soul than anything I was familiar with before. It doesn't show on the surface but it's there. It's visible in the way I now take pride in what I do, the self respect I feel and the new amicable tone of my inner monologue. It's in my decision making, appreciation of others, attitude and gratitude. It's in my body in fitness and the way I just feel a little lighter.
Yesterday I considered two possible versions of my future self say, in a year's time. One in which I continue and persist on my current path and continue to grow as a human being and the other in which I slip back to my own ways and start creeping around and lying to the people I care about and behaving irresponsibly. 10am wondering what I'm going to drink tonight and planning my strategy? No thanks!!!
I am not religious but I feel blessed by every day of freedom and will do everything in my power to keep on my path. At the end of the day, only I decide whether to take that first drink so the power is in my own hands!
Have a good, safe day everyone!