enabling
I recently ended a relationship with an alcoholic who also began smoking crack towards the end of our relationship with quickly brought things into a tailspin and I ended it tonight.
I feel really guilty because I heavily enabled him. I would buy alcohol from the store for him (not even for myself, just him) if he couldn't get there. I would loan him money countless times. I would drive him to the liquor store to buy more if he was too intoxicated. I knew it was enabling but I still did it. I would make excuses for his behavior. Stick up for him. I should have known better, I am not completely unfamiliar with alcoholism and have gone to alanon in the past. I swore I would never do it again and I did. I hurt him and myself by enabling his addiction, I was just as dangerous, and for that I feel ashamed.
I just needed to get this off my chest. If I allow things to fester inside I can sink into depression. Needed to vent and this felt like the safest place right now.
Thank you.