lizatola

So, I was reviewing some notes from convention back in May/June. I remember my boyfriend asking me why I continued with Al Anon since I was divorcing the alcoholic.....haha, I told him I was there for other people and to continue to learn how to be in God's will and not my own. He understood, but it's funny when people don't have experience with 12 step programs because I know it's so foreign to them. Anyway, I am still dating that same boyfriend (7 months into this dating thing, lol) and things are going well, but I know I need program just as much now as I did back when I lived with active alcoholism.

At one of the meetings the speaker asked the audience these 4 questions and I wanted to share them here with all of you:

1.How can I make better contact with God(your Higher Power, etc) every day?
2.Am I taking time to enjoy the present moment?
3.Am I becoming the person I want to be?
4. What can I give thanks for today?

Each of those questions have significance to me. If I neglect my relationship with God, my other relationships suffer. Either they suffer because I am not healthy while I interact with others or they suffer in my own mind because I am trying to force my will mentally on something that I know only God has control over. For example: questions like: does my boyfriend really love me, will my ex ever get sober, will my son be OK in the future, etc, etc. Only my Higher Power knows the answer to those things and I have to learn to surrender.

Living in the present moment is hard for me because I future trip and create things in my sick mind about the awful things that will befall me in the future. Question 2 helps me regroup.

As for becoming the person I want to be: that is a daily exercise in turning things over and in taking life one day at a time. I strive to be better today than I was yesterday. And, if I take a step backwards, I call my sponsor or text a friend and I start my day over no matter what time of day it is.

And, gratitude is HUGE for me. I keep a gratitude journal but many days I forget to write in it and I forget to be thankful for the little things. Question 4 brings me back to gratefulness and I remember that the little things I am obsessing over are not life and death. They are small problems in the grand scheme of things and if I can find gratitude daily it makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger than myself. I am a selfish person and I want things my WAY. I want my XAH to be sober. I want my boyfriend to be better at communicating even though I know he loves me. I want my grandmother to be healthy. I want to find a better paying job. I want this and I want that.......But, through all those 'wants' I am forgetting to bring God into it and to find gratitude for what I DO HAVE TODAY. I have serenity today. I have peace. I have a great guy who dotes on me and is kind and respectful to me. I have a son who is learning program and is growing up and teaching me grace. I have wonderful friends who love me, even when I do stupid stuff.

Hope you all are having a blessed day and I hope these questions help you as they have helped me!