I'm glad you didn't drink, Patricia.
I don't know what to say here, sometimes. I had this same problem on the quit smoking group. Sometimes people would struggle, really struggle, and after a while it felt like I was enabling when I would offer kindness and tell them to keep trying. Yet I know how hard this is, as it's been brutally hard for me, as well.
Picking up and dusting off and keeping going, well, that's all we can do, right? As long as we're doing the work, really wanting it, learning from each time we stumble, I guess it's just the road some of us have to travel.
This is going to sound really crazy, perhaps, but with both smoking and drinking I had to learn how to want to quit more than I wanted to use. That took a lot of time and a lot of falling and a lot of hard work on my own head and attitude. The attitude changes were really important. It doesn't really work without that, at least it doesn't for me. And none of that happened instantly. It happened over time. The only thing I had going for me for a long time was resolve.
Don't ever give up giving up. We all have to feel our way with this. Hugs to you all tonight!