Reposting from july 15 to share
Had a bad moment of self pity and loathing yesterday. Everyday feels like groundhog day. I feel pointless like i am spinning my wheels and going nowhere in life. I am sure this rigorous work schedule has a lot to do with it.
Anyway i talked to my wife and she was upset because i was upset. I was blind and not being grateful. My pity party was about wanting more and being self centered. Life isnt fair. I had to.bang my spoon like a 2 year old.
So I went to a meeting. The speaker said he had many of the same feelings. I really related. He said he still struggles with this at times. His remedy is talking to people and laughing. H e wss grateful to be alive everyday.
I spoke with a few people and they took my mind off things. Had a chuckle and i felt much better last night.
The speaker also mentioned some days he can just try not to make things worse
Thats the best he can do. That's ok. I really could relate.
So i have been struggling with not smoking lately. I havent smoked but my mind says just do it and have a drink it wont hurt anything.
Its just part of being an addict to have these days. I notice i have feelings of depression, hopelessness and anxiety early in the week when my stress is really high.
The excuse to use is people dont understand but in aa they do understand. They talked about insanity of drinking and how much worse things would be drinking again. So at the end of the day i felt better and hopeful.
I am going to talk to my doctor about my meds. Maybe something can help more medication is not a total solution but it helps.
Look foward to getting some rest in this weekend.
I cant control my feelings but I can control my choice to drink or not.
I know life is tough but i feel fellowship by sharing your triumphs and struggles. Serenity to us all i hope you all have a great week.