Thank you Leigh and sw, it feels so good to know I won't be judged here. I am hard enough on myself. Leshar, thank you also. I'm not sure what else to do, I enjoyed counseling, but it got too expensive and I know for sure that AA is not for me. It's not that I don't feel I need more support, but at this point, support or not, I know it all comes down to me. I have to take that "no matter what " attitude and stop believing that it will ever be different.
Today I'm determined, but it's a couple of days from now that I have to be prepared for.