Yea, we cheat on ourselves - that's really the issue. No one will know, except for me....
In your other post you mentioned meetings - is this AA? Do you have numbers to call, people to talk to when you feel this way - a sponsor??
These are some of the human "tools" we refer to , along with the spiritual took kit in AA.
Get to a meeting - share what happened and listen to others experience, strength and hope. We have to make calls, post and use our plan before we pick up.....
Glad you're back, you're not alone!