SwimKim, Inc and Dee are right. With your willingness and toolsbox, that AV is going down! I was caught up in the cycle that you find yourself in up until just 6 months ago. I knew I needed to quit, I knew I had a problem, but I didn't do anything about it because I was scared. Do it not because you are fearless, but do it in spite of the fear, and trust me, you will come out unscathed. I have an analogy for you: Imagine yourself on the shore heading out into the water...you can wimper, and slowly get yourself wet, inch by inch, you go deeper into the cold water. It's so cold! Now, your up to your knees, your feet are used to water, but your thighs are feeling the cold, your fingers are numb because your splashing yourself hoping to get just a little wet. You are inching your way to the final result, where you know you will be swimming freely, not even noticing the cold. Why torture yourself and prolong the inevitable, just take the plunge!