Hi KiKi. I'm so glad you're here.
I felt the same way when I found SR. I was disgusted with the person I was when drinking - she was obnoxious, reckless, untrustworthy. It was hard to admit that each time I drank, dangerous & unpredictable things happened. I clung to it for so long - remembering only the fun times. They were very long ago - and they weren't coming back. It feels wonderful to be free of it.