Hey just now, I was getting a big bowl of grapes, and a banana, and some cranberry punch juice and gingerale, and I started to think how such a pig I was, that I had already had a giant supper + Halloween candy, I'm supposed to be losing weight, blah blah....
But then I realised, hey....this is the time I'd usually be getting a gingerale and juice but also squirrelling away some alcohol to mix it with, and or sneaking up to my room to get my stash, and just drinking myself silly - in secret - on TOP of getting after dinner snacks so that after drinking awhile I'd have stuff to soak up the alcohol in my stomach without (hopefully) having to go into the kitchen to get more...smelling of booze or acting drunk....and then possibly ordering pizza or other foods I can't afford *anyway* and then waking up the next morning to complete disaster, sickness, vomiting, guilt and shame and fear as I look through my history and FB and phone and try to also remember if me being in the kitchen last night talking to my roommates and/or making a humongous mess in the kitchen and embarrassing myself was a dream or if it really happened. If I called my crush and cried to her all night or if that was a dream too................gah!!!
Ok so getting some grapes and a banana and fruity juice and gingerale....OMG Layali what am I doing, crazy fool!?? lolol ooooooh I'm soooo out of control hahahaha. I might even watch a movie tonight and enjoy it and know what's going on, and talk to my sister soberly, and not make embarrassing posts, and then get a peaceful nights sleep and wake up tomorrow to a steaming hot cup of coffee and some more peace of mind............yay.
Ok sorry, I think I just needed to put some things into perspective for myself.