to be honest jr, my observation is that you were planning to drink...
sooner or later, if you really want to, you are going to have to draw a line in the sand and stick with a plan to stay sober.
My plan was I decided to never drink again and never change my mind. I had some battles with my brain in the beginning, but I stuck to my decision. Now, I'm not concerned in the least about "slipping" or relapse. That is no longer a part of my life.
When you ready, you will succeed.