Bix,
I think you do whatever you think you need to try. We certainly don't mind if you post here like that and it won't bother us either. The goal here is sobriety and recovery and this is where we come to hash it out good or bad. Say what you need to, even if it's a relapse. I only say get a new plan because the old one isn't working. If there is no change on your part there will be no change at all. I think it's great you keep getting up and brushing off and trying again. You only lose if you stop trying. (hug)! I hope something you do will finally stick for you. It breaks me heart to see y'all struggling.