Thread: Arrghhhh!!!!!
View Single Post
Old 10-14-2015, 09:50 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
unsureoffuture
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
Originally Posted by vvl71w View Post
Well.. it's a couple of months down the line. Still feel no better. I'm still in our home and my wife (ex) is still with her parents. She seems to be keeping her self together and only drinking when she isnt working (which is a good sign I suppose).

The difficulty is accepting that someone I dedicated so many years & effort into has left me. Her reason is still that she couldnt handle the misstrust and me watching her. Only one of our grown up children speaks to her. I went through hell for that woman and she's left me a shell of the happy, fun person I was. I feel utterly humiliated & alone.

My only advice for anyone in the same situation is the advice I got years ago and ignored.. get out.. get out now, because their addiction WILL destroy you one way or another.

(Sorry just feel extra down tonight)
vvl71w, I am sorry to hear things have not changed for you. Perhaps it's for the best. You may not see it now but perhaps it is. Your wife is still drinking which means she is not doing "better" as you state. It's a cycle. They do better for a while to convince themselves and others that they don't have a problem and then slowly it creeps back up to the same or worse than before. You have lived it as I have, so you know its going to happen. This disease will not miraculously disappear one day.

Your wife left you because she is an alcoholic. No matter what her drink is what's most important and you got in the way. She is clearly telling you this. She is not going to stop drinking. She said she cant live with the mistrust but she is the one lying and deceiving, not you. You stated you noticed more alcohol missing etc etc etc. Alcoholics are manipulators and she is manipulating you into feeling its your fault. Marriage is a two way street. What are you getting out of this? You state you love the person she is when she is sober. Problem is, she is not always sober. They are not two separate people. She is also the person she is when she is drunk and if you cant love ALL of her than it is what it is. You have to accept that is who she is because she is telling you she is not going to change. It suck, it hurts but its the truth. I know because I've been there. What helped me is to dig deep down and come up with a list of what my ideal partner and relationship would look like. Look at other happy marriages and identify the things that are missing in your relationship. Focus on that because you deserve someone who can give to equally as you give to them.

There is no reason to feel humiliated. You didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it. There is nothing you could have done to change things. I think if you focus on yourself you will begin to feel better. Sure ending any relationship is lonely and painful but there is also a whole new world of opportunities and happiness that awaits.
unsureoffuture is offline