Originally Posted by
Tooshabby 
I've grappled with the delusion that I can successfully moderate my drinking for so long. You know, one thing I think that prolonged it was that I just couldn't believe that I couldn't moderate my drinking. It just seemed so ridiculous that I refused to believe it. Occasionally, I would be successful too, which didn't help. It seemed to confirm the hypothesis that I could. I've finally accepted it now. For some reason that actually feels good now, rather than a sentence to lifelong deprivation. I totally get where you are coming from though. Absolutely.
Hi Jen!!! Good to see you popping in :-)
Agreed shabby, I just could not accept that I couldn't moderate, it seemed ludicrous, and the fact that moderation worked at times only fuelled it, but then I realized how much time, thought and effort I was putting into it, even if I wasn't drinking I was obsessing on how much I drank, didn't drink, when I could drink, how much I could drink- it was like a damn full time job.
Finally not drinking became the more pleasant option, it just removed the obsession