aly,
welcome.
of course you take it personally: threats, leaving, ugliness are directed at you.
but here's the thing: it isn't about you.
stay with me here: it isn't about you.
it isn't about you whatsoever.
i didn't want drinking to be the number one priority, but that is how it ended up.
doesn't matter that i would have denied it, or not seen it.
i can see it clearly only in retrospect.
your job is to take care of yourself.
you will not be able to "understand" why alcoholics do this. they/we don't understand it ourselves while we're doing it.
you need to put your well-being first. put your energy into that.
he will or will not quit, will or will not get help to stay that way. his mother may or may not "enable".
these things are out of your control.
he's shown very clearly that he keeps drinking despite important losses.
there is no understanding it. it isn't rational.
the sooner you can accept that, the better your chances of putting that anguish-energy into turning this around for your own benefit.
none of this is about you. it has nothing to do with you.
horrid, isn't it?