Thank you for all the reply's. This is the very first time I have giving up booze for a proper reason. In the past I gave up because I thought I had a problem and I recognised my relationship with booze was wrong. Thing is in the past I really resented not be able to drink because I liked it. I loved the way booze would make feel and the numb buzz became my way of detaching from life into my own private secret world.
The difference now is my problems are getting bigger because I've not dealt with them. Taking away the alcohol does not take away the problems but it does give me the chance to deal with them.
I don't know whether I will succeed this time but I am more determined than I have ever been before. The last few months have shocked me to the core. My behaviour and drinking were getting out of control and I nearly lost my wife through it. It's been a wake up call for me and I've realised I've been a jerk. I use the word hope a lot because that's all I got. I don't think it's a sign of weakness it's just an honest account of where I am right now. I have some plans in place to help me, maybe not enough, but for instance I'm making positive steps with my health. I'm training virtually every day and engaging a personal trainer. The truth for me is no booze and regular trips to the gym create a healthy mind. It may not work for everyone but it makes a hell of difference to me.
I'm still learning, even though I've been going through this stuff for years. I've fallen many times before and picked myself up. Right now I feel strong and I'm committed to make a lasting difference in my life and that is my family.