The withdrawing, refusing to discuss issues and conflict, and the inability to articulate feelings ("I don't know") is a red flag, in my opinion. Either he is not far enough into recovery yet to be able to do those things - alcoholics are very immature emotionally - or he is just not able to emotionally connect period. Alcoholics drink for a reason. The drinking is just a symptom of a complicated problem. My soon to be ex husband has 23 years of sobriety. He is not capable of love or emotional closeness. He is very much into AA, sponsoring and the like. Claims he "lives the 12 steps" but I just don't see it in his life. It's like a part of him is shut off or was never there to begin with. I hope your boyfriend is not that way. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that sobriety does not fix everything, as you know. I would agree with dandylion's advice to back way off and see what happens. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I too am lonely and having a hard time in a new place. I just moved out yesterday and am waiting for the divorce papers. I can relate and hope you can work things out within yourself and find peace.