I sincerely appreciate the points of view expressed here. Thank you for responding to me, and to each other with your thoughts.
For me, the medical model helped me accept and understand the gravity of my situation. But just like every other "belief system" of any stripe that I have explored, when taken to all logical extensions the model has limitations and runs out of steam for me. It is a "model", a useful and incomplete model of reality. IMHO. I expect nothing more perfect in RR/AVRT models.
I certainly find the tension between the points of view challenging and useful in my own sobriety.
I followed a link to an RR summary though, and was a little dismayed to read that I am evidently a morally reprehensible stinking piece of scum. Seemed to rely a little overmuch on beating on our shame-bones? I can take it, but it struck me as pretty emotional for a 'rational' approach.
I hope I have not taken this post in a dis-allowed direction. Back to what I need...I know I need to stop, forever! And I know any failure is just another chance at life-altering disaster. So I do need stopping to be for good. Period.