I just don't understand yet.
I am struggling, yesterday and today. Not so much whether to drink, but with how to know if I can really take it off the table. I feel like making that Big Plan would be as much "whistling in the dark" as it would be for me to announce that I can drink socially. I just don't trust myself to say "never" and make it stick. How does one become prepared?
On the other hand, I've gotten myself very disturbed by what seems to me like a too-casual approach in some threads. I don't think sobriety, for me, is like going to a spa and taking the curative waters for spells between binges. I feel I am in this for my life.