I'm doing well. I met with a highly recommended attorney that wasn't acquainted with me or my husband and she basically advised me that it would be in my children's best interest to not divorce until my children are a little older, especially given the care that my daughter's food allergies require. Why? Because I'm in control of everything for them right now and more or less getting everything I want. Which is what my other attorney friends had advised me of many times too.
So here I sit. However, this experience has really changed my perspective for some reason. During the two weeks before I met with my attorney but was mentally set on divorce I was using "I don't care, I'm divorcing him" as an emotional balm of sorts. A worry would creep into my mind about what he was doing "who cares, I'm divorcing him" and the worry was instantaneously gone. I would be pissed off about something he did or remember some resentment and "doesn't matter anymore, I'm divorcing him" would again just wash the thought away.
Now when I hear a lie from him or he takes something out on me I think "huh, he's lying/exaggerating/frustrated/rushing/anxious again" and walk away. I don't bother giving him advice on anything anymore. Occasionally he asks me what I think he should do and I just turn it back on him "I don't know, what do you think you should do?" and I'm frequently surprised that he has solutions that are just as good as mine. I no longer ask him about meetings or anything related to his sobriety. He shares stuff with me on his own but I don't really care about his program or the details of it.
This new "relationship" that we have is better and yet it's entirely different. It's not very comfortable and it's not very affectionate (although there is more sex, ironically - because why deprive myself of something enjoyable?) but there is no arguing and a lot less hurt feelings on my part. It's all much more tolerable (dare I say enjoyable) now that I don't care.
I also met up with my mom a few weeks ago. It was cordial and centered around my kids. She's in therapy and taking Xanax. I also get the feeling that she's working some kind of 12 step related program but I haven't asked because it's not really any of my business.
Outside of that I'm planning a lifetime trip for myself to take in a few months. No husband and no kids for 9 days. I'm racing in a half marathon in two weeks, a few other shorter races coming up and a full marathon in December. Doing lots of yoga and strength training. My oldest is in a co-op preschool now too and we all love it. It's been a great experience for our whole family because the co-op environment really does involve our whole family. It's been a really great thing for our entire family regarding intergrating us into a healthy new environment, new theories and suggestions on parenting and it's really fun seeing my oldest interact with her classmates, teacher and other parents. I also love that I know the parents of the kids that my daughter plays and learns with everyday.
So I'm good. I no longer feel like I'm waiting for anything, either the other shoe to drop or for a divorce. This is just the space that my life is in right now and that's fine. I can't control life, I can control the way that I respond to it. So I've decided to do things that I love and love the ones that I have (aside from my in-laws).
ETA: Sorry for the novel! It didn't feel that long when I was typing it! Holy crap!