Good morning all, its morning here,
Congrats to those on 3 months/90 days, I'm almost there myself!
The past few weeks have been really rough. I have begun to notice that its during times like this, that I would really hit the alcohol hard just to give myself a break from all the anxiety and the thoughts/nightmares that occur. I've also been having a ton of relapse dreams lately that are awful but I don't wake up in a panic from them anymore, more like annoyed.
Went to a funeral this past friday which was okay but I kept feeling like I was going to panic the whole time but I stuck through and made it out okay.
My health problems/hypochondria whatever it is, maybe both, is still going on. I have another appointment tomorrow with my doctor to see if I need a referral to a gastro doc to make sure everything with me is okay and to see if I need to get an endoscopy as they've tried all other tests and they all came out fine.
The only thing that I can be proud of is that I never drank through any of that at all and it took a whole lot of willpower not to. Then again sometimes I feel so indecisive certain days. For example, "I could numb all this by drinking." and then think well that'll make things worse, but I already feel crappy today so whats the point? I end up not deciding anything and just going to sleep or waiting it out til after a certain time of the day then its just pointless. I know though that if I really did want to, I'd find ways.
I guess I'm just curious how this all plays out. How being sober plays out for me. Since turning an adult thats all I've done is drink and numb all of life's drama and emotions.
I then begin to wonder, is this actually how life is? Not sure though, it hasn't even been 3 months since I've quit, perhaps things will get better.
Hope you all are doing well.