My best defenses are SR, exercise, eating, or journaling. I chose not to utilize those tools. Dumb and lazy.
What you say here is exactly what I do....I choose not to do what I know will help, because my mind is already made up...and was probably made up well before the relapse. A person I respect a lot told me about BUD-building up to drink....that a process happens mentally/emotionally long before the first drink is consumed. Its staying on top of my thinking and reactions that can interupt BUD before my addiction has the wheel. I am a novice at this, but if I'm brutally honest with myself, I know when the process has begun.