I could talk to my dr and he'd put me on more drugs.
I'm not a peaceful person. I don't think I'm a drama queen, but when I get on a real kick, it's a physical thing. I can feel my blood pulsating in my fingertips and beating in my ears. I can move the energy around but I can't lose it until it runs out on its own. I try to funnel it into work but sometimes it bleeds over onto people -- why do you think I avoided people for more than 20 years? When it funnels onto people it's fraught and messy because they respond and blah blah blah. Sometimes things get very ugly indeed when people are involved. Maybe you can see now how I could get violent. I used to be very different than I have been, before my alcoholism progressed to its inevitable conclusion. Maybe I'm getting that way again.
As I said, I'm usually able to dump the energy in work or literature but last week work was particularly frustrating and there's really too much of it this time for poetry to ease, though that helps take the edge off temporarily.
We'll see. I haven't done anything more destructive than write too much and talk out loud on the street, which a lot of people less crazy than I am do in NYC.