Oh today has been the hardest day!
I'll go back and catch up in a second but Lord, I nearly caved so many times.
It's been such a full on day, you'd think I wouldn't have time to think about it, but the ex went to the shop and parked right outside the bottle shop (I was sat waiting with the kids in the car). He asked me beforehand if I wanted anything and I was itching to tell him yes, get me a bottle. I said no thanks, told him I was trying so bloody hard to not give in. He said 'you've made it 2 weeks, you can easily have one tonight and just go the next 2 weeks without, your liver starts repairing itself the day you stop drinking, it will be back to normal now probably.'
I know right, how supportive of him.
I told him no thanks and off he went.
I was fighting with myself in my head, I want it, no you don't, no but I really do, well you cant, I'll just have this one bottle, it's gonna taste so good, yeah and you'll be so disappointed in yourself tomorrow having to start from day 1 again....
I was both willing him to come out with a bottle and praying he wouldn't.
I saw him walking over to the car and his hands were empty, (he'd just gone in for smokes) I almost cried with relief.
The minute we got home I wished he'd bought me a bottle. I just wanted it. It was completely irrational but I just did.
45 minutes until bedtime for the kids and I'm trying to hang out for the 'lovely' cup of tea. I can't sit still, keep fidgeting, can't stop thinking about it.
I'm not going to give in. I won't. I'm realizing just what a stubborn thing I am haha
Roll on bedtime.....argh!
Oh and also, 2 weeks sober today!!