Rar, I'm sorry your birthday was a difficult day and you are having a tough time right now. I just wanted to say that I am not in the mindset of "I will never drink again", it is too overwhelming to me. Never just sounds so vast, for some reason it brings forth this image of me out in some huge dark ocean in a tiny little boat. Just too much. This time I am breaking things down into more manageable goals, like at the beginning it was a week sober, now I'm working on making it a month, then I will go for month 2, and so on. It just feels more attainable to me that way. I imagine one day that thinking of never drinking again won't sound so scary but for now I'm not going to stress myself out with thinking along those lines.