Day 25
Reasons not to drink:
1) the decisions I make, good or bad, are my own
2) no hangovers
3) no guilt
4) a clear look at my life
5) the oppurtunity, even if I don't take it, to be present.
There are reasons to drink too. But it would be useless to say them. They are small and can all be attained in other ways. Drinking eases the pain. Drinking kills bad thoughts. Drinking lets me have an easy social and sex life.
But the easy road never got me anywhere great. Just a mess that was out of my control.
Playing the lottery with life, and letting time whizz by. If the hard one is the one for me....then so be it.
I am sad today. I have a lot of things to do and fix. The proverbial roof of my life is leaking. I want to put buckets under the holes and sit in the corner sipping poison and dozing. Instead I am sitting in the corner watching the holes, watching the world seep in. I am not fixing things yet. Just basking in the problems. Coming to grips.
I'm lonely.
-Kinzoku