I haven't gotten responses from them either. Very strange.
Dee - have you heard from V or Conquest?
Mark - I've been very grateful for my sobriety lately. I remember how awful it was, and I know I never want that again. I feel very strong in my resolve to stay sober, and it's a wonderful freedom.
Thanks Leigh - it has been really scary and weird.
I'm sorry to keep carrying on about the fire, I know it's not very positive, though I'm proving to myself that I can stay sober through something like this. It's just so major for me, and I feel like every day I feel differently about it. It is the subject of conversations at work every day as we have some employees who were affected. Today we just marveled at the enormity of the task of rebuilding. I wouldn't even know where to start. And I guess a lot of what I feel is grief knowing a place so familiar and dear to me will never be the same.
And my heart breaks for all the people and animals who are suffering, especially the family of our friend who died. They are sensitive people. I've seen them grieve a death that was expected, and it weighed so heavily on their heart. I can't even imagine what they are going through right now. It's very likely that they also lost their home.
And also, I'm scared because I realize the same thing could happen here. No one imagined that a fire could be so uncontrollable that our exceptional firefighters would be completely powerless to protect the community. I realize I have a false sense of security because I live in a suburban area, and in my experience growing up California, fires are mostly a country thing. New conversation is going around about areas near my house that are susceptible to the same kind of fire. Those of you who have been to the wine country can probably imagine how a fire could take off out here. I'm just so unsettled by all aspects of this experience.
I used to journal, but I don't anymore since I got sober. Now I just write it all here!
Lazy night here. Husband is working late, so baby and I are having popcorn. My brilliant plan is for us to eat enough snacks throughout the evening that they add up to a meal.
