Today marks 1 year for me. For some reason, it doesn't feel that long. I recall about 18 months ago feeling lost and afraid as I could not stop. I remember thinking, 'What am I gonna do?' A year ago I decided what I needed to do and somehow, and with lots of help from everyone here, I did it.
I find that I don't think about booze the way I used to when I first started. I really don't think about it too much at all. When I do, it is to reflect how different I am now compared to how I was. There is some personal stress in my life right now and in the past I would have used it as an excuse to drink to relieve stress. Not now. Recently, there is a time that has presented itself weekdays where I would have used the opportunity to have a daily drink and no one would know. Not now.
I spent a little time a few weeks ago coming up with a list of things I don't miss. They are reminders why I never will go back to drinking. I'm sure they'll ring true with many of you. Before I get to that list, I just want to say thanks to everyone here for saving my life. I am so, so grateful... Thank you and God bless you.
So I'll begin the second year with a simple request... May I have another 24 please? 5:45 AM EDT.
Here is the list of things I don't miss.
- Falling asleep way too early every evening
- Forgetting stuff my wife told me and getting stressed out trying to cover up the memory loss
- Spending a fortune at the liquor store
- Spending a bigger fortune at the bar
- Leaving work an hour early so I could indulge on the way home and still arrive home on schedule
- Feeling like total crap every day
- Getting the shakes so bad I couldn’t hold a glass steady enough to take that first sip without spilling
- Hiding booze all over the house and forgetting where you left it
- Discarding the empties in stealth mode
- Constant lying
- Going to ‘Home Depot’
- Having to go back to ‘Home Depot’
- Going downstairs to 'Watch a movie'
- Going out with the wife to dinner or someone’s house and having to pre-game because I wouldn’t get enough at the dinner.
- Hiding my shaking hands at the dinner table
- Breathing away from my wife so she wouldn’t smell anything
- Stressing about getting caught
- Sneaking a swig from the liquor cabinet