Originally Posted by
matilda123 
I like that, sleepy dots. I'm a gardener so it really resonates with me. I think part of this was triggered by an email I got. I was nominated for an honor by someone and the funding agency is asking about a gap in my publication record. It is there, in part, because my drinking was at its worst.. I feel so regretful about that and embarrassed too on behalf of the person that named me.
I really wish I didn't pick at things or myself the way I do--that I treated myself like I do friends or students, with compassion and understanding. Ten people can tell me something is great and one person can say, nah, I don't like it, and I always focus in the latter. I've been like that since I was a kid.
I know what you mean Mathilda. I think I was raised to believe that if someone didn't like me, or I didn't always succeed, that there was something wrong with me. My mom would tell me that I am 'different' and I had to hide who I was. Crazy. And I took any kind of rejection or criticism very poorly. I'm getting better but still have low self esteem. My daughter is almost 15 and what a tough time socially. I tell her that not everyone is going to like you, in the same way you don't like everyone you meet. There's nothing wrong with you it just is. I have to remember my own words and give myself the same breaks.
It's amazing you're getting such recognition. Focus on that!