Want to be-
Brought this up with my therapist again yesterday.
She helped me to see that having an internal opinion/dialogue about someone else is not necessarily judgemental. Those are my observations of the world and I need them to sort out what I like, dislike, want, don't want, have boundaries around etc.
It is taking that internal opinion and dialogue and putting it out in the world as good/bad, right/wrong, black/white that is when I get judgemental. It is when I put those opinions ON someone that I am making a judgement.
If I am using them to decide what I want (from the relationship, to learn, to discern) then it can be a healthy behavior.
I am kind of starting to see it as the difference between having emotions and the BEHAVIORS of what I do with them.
She left me with a lot to think about at the end of the session so I think there will be more that emerges on this for me.